Butthurt Gun Snowflakes Fall For Macho Bullshit Ad Campaign, Pay Too Much For Coolers, Invent Reason To Blow Them Up

Yup, YETI’s been hammering you for years with ads for their coolers, which are, by all accounts, very good at keeping things cool, and maybe bearproof or something, as if Joe Twelvepack’s biggest problem is bears drinking his warm PBR. But, while many of us looked at their prices and thought “ummm, yeah, no,” YETI managed to find a niche, which appears, until recently, to include a bunch of fragile tiny peen attention whore camoflowers and their hangers-on, who’ve been out fishing for grievances lately.

“If Yeti can’t stand behind the NRA, I ain’t standing behind Yeti no more,” said some fool recently parted from his money, who will now likely go and pay too much for an ORCA cooler instead. Precious.

Honestly, there are so many comedy vectors here that it’s impossible to know which way to laugh the loudest. I suppose it’s best to just leave it to the guys at SHITI Coolers, who’ve already been trolling YETI for a while, to put a cherry on it.

fukn slap it, oh shit, Ronnie Milsap

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AMFF: Buster To The Rescue

So it seems that the American Museum of Fly Fishing has found itself in a public relations pickle. Invited Cheney to speak and everything went KABLOOM, and then the Dick didn’t even have the courtesy to turn them down. Hoisted with their own Boga. Bad days. Crazy days.

But jeez, it’s a gnurly little museum and we’d hate to see it consigned to the ever-filling dustbin of Things That Should Be Cool But…you know? So to offer a helpful hand the mad brains at Buster Labs (boiler room, left past the incinerator, put lotion in basket, ask for Epol) have schemed up a way for the AMFF to gracefully put down the Dick and back away with their reputations intact…by making them a donation they can’t refuse. And this way, they get a dinner speaker AND an exhibit in one neat package. Brilliant, no? AMFF, we give you

The Hideous Jabbering Head of Theodore Gordon

ted

Peanuts hyah!

Hello! The great charm of fly-fishing is that we are always learning! Hello! Thank you! The angling fever is a very real disease and can only be cured by the application of cold water and shooting your lawyer friend in the face! Hello! It is the constant – or inconstant – change, the infinite variety in fly-fishing that binds us fast, but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy! I think they’re in the last throes, if you will, of a sport that is never the same on any two days of the year. Thank You! Hello!

It, uh, just sorta goes on like that. Epol can certainly probably get that fixed up by the fall, at least long enough to deliver a speech. Then the AMFF can just put it under glass and presto, instant tourist attraction! Just imagine all the big fat Orvis customers students of our noble pursuit arriving to have a word with the reanimated jabbering head of the father of American dry fly fishing! They’ll have to hold another fundraiser just to afford all the new parking they’ll need!

Here’s the good and bad thing, though…to be perfectly honest, it’s a little bit unstable, and the quicker they get it under glass the better (and keep the fluids topped off). Which is why they really have no choice but to cancel the Dick. Really, what’ll it be, a once-in-a-lifetime procurement and a historic speech by a luminary of the sport and a marvel of mad science, or Dick Friggin Cheney?

That’s right.

Anyway, are we awesome or what? Buster is confident that we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators by the AMFF. And they are welcome.