The Hideous Jabbering Head of Izaak Walton Gets Emails


brouhaha, boulderdash, ballyhoo, it’s only talk

Nice and quiet around here, huh? The louts all went fishing and left me here with no smokes. Just got this email from Dr. T:

Take a Carp (alive if possible) scour him, and rub him clean with water and salt, but scale him not, then open him, and put him, with his bloud and his liver (which you must save when you open him)


Save the livah!

into a small pot or kettle; then take sweet Marjoram, Time and Parsley, of each half a handful, a sprig of Rosemary, and another of Savoury, bind them into two or three small bundles, and put them to your Carp, with four or five whole Onyons,



twenty pickled Oysters, and three Anchovies.

Nice! So, say, 17 pickled oysters and 4 anchovies would what, ruin it?

Then pour upon your Carp as much Claret wine as will only cover him;

But none for you, because if you’re trying this, you’re already dangerously shitfaced.

and season your Claret well with salt, Cloves, and Mace, and the rinds of Oranges and Lemons, that done, cover your pot and set it on a quick-fire, till it be sufficiently boiled;

Centrifuge well…

then take out the Carp and lay it with the broth into the dish, and pour upon it a quarter of a pound of the best fresh butter melted and beaten with half a dozen spoonfuls of the broth, the yolks of two or three eggs,

Goddam, T! What else? Raisins? Clamatto? Acetone bath?

and some of the herbs shred: garnish your dish with Lemons, and so serve it up, and much good do you. -Dr. T.

Right. Like I’m falling for that. I’m gettin pizza.


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