Greetings piscatorial truthseekers! If you’ve done much poking around lately, you’ve probably noticed that everybody knows everything, and it’s therefore impossible to get a straight answer to anything. Fantastic, thanks Mr. McLuhan. The media is the message, and the message is WTF? Is anybody not an expert?
Well, Buster’s no expert and we’re not ashamed. But Buster shares your frustration, so in an effort to dull the roar we’ve decided to get our own expert. And not just any expert, but one who’s got nothing at stake, no potential customers to lose and, well, no dick to wave. Buster Wants To Fish now presents the very first installment of what will doubtless become your sole and indisputable font of all flyfishing knowledge…
Ask The Hideous Jabbering Head of Izaak Walton
Hy. I thynk fyt to tell thee these followinge trvths, That I dyd nyther vndertake, nor wryte, nor pvblish, and much less owne, this Dyscourse to please myselfe. I dyd it to ympress this chyk at the pye shoppe, and she’s a honye. So let’s get on with it, scamps.
OK. Our first question comes from Ryan A. in Rancho Merde, AZ:
“Hello, Hideous Jabbering Head of Izaak Walton. Should I thread tippet through the top or the bottom of the hook eye?”
Fantastic question Ryan. I’m really really glad you asked. Really. And thank your mom for helping you type it. She’s a stone cold fox. Next!
OK then. Next up is an email question from donny_roolz@springridgeclub.$$$:
“I’ve been having trouble with some big pig rainbows that I stocked located. I can’t get them to bite! Lefty An expert associate of mine told me that I was suffering from something called “microdrag”. How can I get rid of it? Help!”
Well, Dougy, your “associate” is clearly either a blithering idiot or a thief. Microdrag is indeed a problem, but the solution isn’t to get rid of it, you need to amplify it! That’s why you need my new book and 2-DVD instruction set, “Be A Drag: Lifting Your Way To Hatchery Hawg Heaven”. Only $39.99. Order today.
Next up is Steve D. from Seattle, WA:
“Back in the olde timey days, how did you enjoy cold beverages astream? I mean, I could be wrong, but I don’t think they had originated Rainer tall boys back then.”
What are you kidding? I hung with the clergy, there was a jug stashed behind every stump. And sometimes Cotton would come by with that damned bong and I’m lucky I never drowned.
Dave L. from Lerxst Settlement, NY asks:
“Hey, isn’t this a ripoff of that old “Hideous Jabbering Head of Abe Lincoln” thing that used to be on the web but that I can’t seem to find any more?”
Good call Dave, these miscreants totally ganked the idea. Shameless lazy drunks, aren’t they? Any chance you can get me out of here?
And finally a question from our very own Smithhammer, shouted through the bathroom door:
“On a day like yesterday, how many fish should I have expected to catch?”
Five. Hey he’s been in there for over half an hour. I think you cheap bastards need to get a new copy of Juggs.
OK, I think he’s getting a little tired and cranky, that’s enough for now. Buster would like to thank Epol, the dude who works down in the boiler room, for securing and reanimating The Head. Great work. I know we promised not to ask questions, but why does it smell like onions?
If you have a question for The Hideous Jabbering Head of Izaak Walton, please leave it in the comments. He’ll probably ignore it, but please try, it makes him feel wanted.